Impatience is my worst vice. If there is something that could lead me to hell perhaps it would surely be impatience. It is a vice which I am personally struggling against each moment of my life. Perhaps I am one of the many people who are praying to God for the gift of the virtue of patience in this manner, "Lord, give me patience and I want it now!"
"Be patient, brothers," writes St James [see James 5:7ff].
Surely, the Apostle speaks about the patience that Christians should have in anticipating and waiting for the second coming of the Lord. He even cites as examples the patience of the Prophets who spoke in behalf of God and in view of the Lord's coming though they themselves did not live long enough to see the fulfillment of the coming of the promised Messiah. St Paul writes we should not get tired of doing good because at the proper time we shall reap a rich harvest [see Galatians 6:9].
In the same manner, patience in the sense of a personal struggle to be holy each moment of our lives is our way of showing God that we are anticipating His coming while manifesting true Christian in everything we say, think or do. It is as unchristian to lose faith in God and believe in fortune tellers and diviners as one's being impatient in dealing with people - and things - even with regards to simple and ordinary events as in line trying to find a way to get ahead of those who got to fall in line earlier, getting angry when things do not happen the way one hopes it goes even if the failure is due to one's own not doing the right and proper things, and many more.
Honestly, my impatience mostly shows when things do not happen the way I expect them to happen as if they should happen though they would not happen without me doing the proper way to make them happen. Confusing eh? Well let me put it this way. Have you tried opening a closed door with your foot because you won't put down what you are holding with both of your hands even if there is no harm in putting down what you are holding in the first place. And once you failed to open the door with your foot you get so angry at the door or at the person who made the door so hard to be opened by your foot? Sometimes I also become impatient when someone I request to do something fails to do it when in the first place I could do it myself better but I won't do it for the simple reason that I am a bit lazy during that time. I also become impatient when I try to teach someone something that seems too easy for me but maybe not for him totally failing to remember that people do not have the same capabilities, talents and skills.
Impatience is a real culprit which sheepishly lead us to damnation. Sometimes we make impatience as an excuse for our failure to be true Christians, of understanding others and showing them kindly how things could be done or teaching them slowly why things are like these and that, or of our own failure to understand or learn about things, of acting in a Christian manner when we observe or take notice of other people's conditions and situations, or when we wish to look for others to blame! Sometimes it appears in the guise of a good, making us feel better than others, leading us to think more effective than them. But actually impatience lets out the worst in us and it leads us to be angry. If we allow impatience which turns into anger to reign over us, we will soon find out we are drawn to commit more serious sins [see James 4:2].
Hence I pray that God may give me patience. It is actually a fruit of the Holy Spirit. A person who has the Spirit of God in him would become a patient person. But of course just like anyone else, I am still a work in progress. But I guess the Spirit is now slowly working in me because I am becoming more committed to a work that I once tried to forsake, the sharing of the Gospel of Holy Friendship, John 15; 12-17.
I still pray that God may give me patience but I am not hurrying Him up anymore. He could give it it to me in His time ... in His beautiful time!
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