Have you read the book of Richard Bach entitled "Illusions: the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah"? I haven't and I won't be discussing about it here. I am only mesmerized by the word "reluctant" which according to the dictionary means unwillingness, resistance, hesitation, perhaps even opposition.
As a Christian, a Catholic in particular, I am supposed to be a saint, that is, a believer, a follower of Christ, His true friend. From the moment of my baptism into the Catholic Church I have that divine life in me, grace, which gave me the chance to be among God's children, saved and freed from bondage to original sin in accordance with that great sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ.
But as I mentioned in another post, Christian life is not a bed of roses. It is in fact a pilgrimage along a thorny and narrow path. If I claim being a Christian and yet live in so much comfort and excess, I must be in trouble - spiritually. Of course, a good life is also one of the promises of God. But an exceedingly comfortable lifestyle - a trip down a smooth and wide highway - when most of the world lives in poverty and hunger is not Christian anymore. I would be endangering my soul.
Hence I was hesitant to fully accept the challenge to become a true Christian, and honestly even struggling to become one right now. The Serpent is always at work. The temptations to power, fame and fortune continues to be flashed before my eyes. And these temptations really comes in the appearance of "good": having a good life, being able to help others materially, answers to financial problems and being able to pay all those debts, being able to give a comfortable life to one's family, being able to visit places that others could only see in pictures, etc.
But then I asked myself, is it what God wants me to do in this life? Read again what I have listed above and surely you would say that they are not bad after all. Then remember how Jesus Christ our Lord lived and died. If God wanted us to simply "live" according to the system of the world, why did He have to send His only begotten Son to die on the Cross?
Our Lord said that we must be perfect just as the Father is perfect. And He also said that no one is Good but the Father. Now I have a little understanding why He sent the Lord to suffer and die. Because nothing on earth, even if they come in the appearance of good, is good enough like God and the plans He has in store for me, and everyone of us. He has designed man to be holy and righteous and to praise and worship Him forever not for His own glorification - for He is already full, self-sufficient and self-fulfilled - but for the attainment of man's perfection and eternal union with Him.
Christian life is truly a pilgrimage along a thorny and narrow path. But if God did not spare His only begotten Son to pass through the same road, I too must welcome the call to walk through the same path. Just as gold is purified with fire, a Christian is tested by many sufferings. If I am going to fully accept the Christian call, I must be willing to embrace hardships too. I just have to always reflect on His life and the lives of the many Christians who were martyred and whose blood we acknowledge as the seed of Christianity.
If I am going to be a true saint, a believer, a follower of Christ, and His dear friend, I cannot live according to the system of the world. I have to live according to the will of God who did not take away the cup of suffering from His only begotten Son but spared Him not - even if He did spare Isaac, the son of Abraham after testing Abraham's faith and obedience! What great love for humanity! If God could give so much out of His great love, I too must give what I can to be able to show Him how much I appreciate that love and give it back to Him.
I have been a reluctant saint and I am still struggling now. But thanks be to God He is not letting me go, He continues to guide me along the bright path amid the enticements of darkness.
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