I, the Doubting Thomas [Second Sunday of Easter]

DOUBTING THOMAS PUTS HIS FINGER ON JESUS' WOUND.
Image from en.wikipedia.org via google.com

"Blessed are those who have not seen 

and have believed."

- John 20:29b

O yes, He talked about the resurrection while He was with us, many times before He was crucified. He even specifically answered to me when I said how can we know the way to follow Him for we don't know where He was going during the Last Supper that,

"I am the Way, the Truth and the Life." 

But I, probably like my fellow Apostles, did not take it seriously. Our attention was focused on what He was doing, such as the miracles, the signs and the preaching, and came to believe in Him as the Messiah, the one who will restore the Kingdom of Israel!

Just imagine if He would already be King! All the troubles of the world would be gone: Hunger? He can multiply fish and bread in an instant like when we fed four and five thousand people in separate occasions! Sickness? He can even cure those who are not in His presence like that son of the official and the servant of the Centurion. Corruption? He did not fear the Jewish officials when He turned the money changers tables and freed the animals being sold at the Temple! Demon possession? He had cast out many, He will be able to cast out more. Oh, the list could go on and there's nothing that He cannot do!

So I, probably my fellow Apostles and disciples also, thought that He would surely be the one to fulfill God's promise to King David: 

"Your descendant will sit on your throne and His reign will have no end."

The signs and wonders that He performed surely point out to this fulfillment! We actually have been discussing among ourselves who would be given such and such position of power when He already rules the Kingdom. We even got angry when the Sons of Thunder, James and John, had to especially ask Him for the privilege of sitting one on His right and the other on His left when He already takes possession of the Kingdom! Probably because of what the two brothers did, we failed to fully comprehend what the Lord said to us right after that event,

"The one who wants to be first must be the least of all. The one who wants to be great must be servant of all."

I probably would not have followed Him if I did not believe in Him as the promised Messiah! I even told my fellow Apostles to accompany Him to Bethany, where He made the great wonder of raising Lazarus from the dead, a town just two kilometers away from Jerusalem where He was already a wanted person by the Jewish authorities, so that we'll die with him if He is arrested and sentenced to death. I did it because I was thinking that He would surely not allow Himself to be easily arrested and then killed. He actually had escaped many attempts to His life already and this time, I thought, He would not fall into the Jewish leaders' hands again.

But when He was finally arrested, I was one of those who ran away and thought of saving my own life! I don't know but it was written that if the shepherd is struck, the sheep will scatter so when He was taken by the arresting party, we did scatter! 

If you were there, would you stay? Would you be willing to give up your life for Someone whom you believed to be so powerful that He saved and took care of others and was even able to raise his friend Lazarus from the dead, but was not able to defend Himself? He said He could summon legions of angels to defend Him: why didn't He! So, in such a situation, what would you do? I guess I have forgotten what I have told my fellow Apostles more than a week ago: let's go with Him so that we may die with Him! What a short term memory I had but if you were there, when your world suddenly crumbled down because the person you believed to be the King to restore the Kingdom of Israel was after all like all of us: weak, unable to defend Himself, easily captured, would you be able to remember anything but to save yourself? If He had to show a great of being the Messiah it was the moment to do so! But nothing miraculous took place [except that He had returned the ear of Malchus whom Peter has struck with a sword, as we were told later] and so we have to run for our lives for it seemed that everything we have been holding on to were just a dream and now already turning into a nightmare!

And so He suffered, was crucified and died. 

Now, all that I hoped for have already ended. What am I to do now? After they have taken care of the Lord, the Jewish authorities will surely look for us., His followers lest we continue what He started and cause further trouble. So we hid behind closed doors and windows while talking about the sad event that have made our dreams of a restored Kingdom of Israel crumble. John, having been a witness until the end, told us about how the Roman soldier pierced the Lord's side with a lance to confirm if He was already dead so that His bones would not have to be broken anymore in fulfillment of Scripture. 

At times I went somewhere else away from the others. Maybe at that time I thought that it would be easier for us to be caught when we will always stay together. Then one day, I joined them again and at that time I was told something that was not so easy to believe:

"The Lord is risen!" the others said.

I almost laughed. I just couldn't believe them tell that story especially when it was the women who were the first to tell them about the Lord's resurrection. So I wanted to tell them,

"Come on. I know we are all tired and afraid and we miss Him so much. But we do not have to entertain ourselves with such tales!" 

Instead, I just told them, for they might feel bad at those words,

"Unless I saw the nail marks in His hands and put my fingers on them, and put my hand to His side, I would not believe!"

The Sunday after His supposedly first appearance to the others, I was already with them. And it happened, even when the doors and the windows were still heavily locked, He came in our midst and greeted us with, 

"Peace be with you." 

And He then spoke to me, 

"Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe!"

There in front of me was the Lord with full bodily form, not just a ghost or a spirit. I went to see His hands and touched the nail marks on them. I looked at His side and put my hands on His wound. They were real flesh and real scars! He was really alive! The Lord is truly risen!

I was so overcome with awe that I have blurted out what would become a famous Easter confession of faith. I said,

"My Lord and my God!"

I know He appreciated that I already believed. But then He said something for the sake of those who would never have the chance like me to see the nail marks and pout their fingers on them and the wound on His side and put their hands on them. He declared,

"Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed!"